The farther along this pregnancy goes, the more realize that I have very little control over how and when things happen. Being the control freak that I am, I am having trouble just letting things go and happen in their own time. I am taking long walks, eating pineapple, eating spicy food... in an attempt to speed things along! That is how bad I am! I want to have some control in the situation! In reality, I never REALLY had control over anything but I am just now coming to terms with it. For example: In my mind, pregnancy was supposed to last 9 months. Well, that 9 month mark came and went almost a week ago... Hudson's due date is October 21st and in my world, that means that October 21st is the last possible day he will be allowed to hide in my belly.... (even though I have read they will let you go over up to 2 weeks, that doesn't sound like an option I want). I like having a plan. I like knowing exactly when and how things will happen... Something tells me that I am about to get a huge wake up call! Like I can say "OK baby, today would be a good day to just come on out, but only after 1:30pm because I will need time to shower, paint my nails, do my hair, and finish packing"! Apparently it doesn't work like that. Just because I'm starting to get uncomfortable and my clothes aren't fitting anymore doesn't mean it's GO TIME.
Labor will happen when it is time, not when it is convenient for me. And, Hudson will get here when he is ready. The delivery.... well the doctors and nurses are going to do whatever they have to in order to bring Hudson into this world safely, even if that means I have to do things I would rather not. Only God knows what will happen, and how it will happen, and when it will happen. I need to learn to just LET IT GO! Stop worrying about it and just roll with it. I need to trust that maybe, just maybe, God's plan for me and my baby is better than any plan I could come up with on my own. So now, I sit and wait. And over the next, however much time I have left before Hudson get's here, I will try to enjoy my time being pregnant, with my husband, with my pets, friends, and without the responsibility of children. I don't want to rush this time in my life. I am relinquishing control!
I want a healthy baby who's lungs are mature enough to handle the outside world. I know that I will miss feeling him kick and move in my belly once he is out. I know I will feel a little empty knowing he is no longer a part of me. I know I will even miss having to get up a million times to pee every day.... THERE IS NO NEED TO RUSH THIS! I LOVE going in his room and smelling his baby clothes, folding and refolding everything. It makes me so happy that Steve is just as excited about being a parent as I am. I love reading to Hudson out loud knowing he can hear me. It is so funny that our animals all love getting right up to my belly. I think they can hear the baby's heart beating. I love knowing Hudson is going to be loved by so many people! Even my sister, who has never really enjoyed being around children, is exited to be an aunt!
In the spirit of being more flexible and less controlling, I am not just going to wait for D-day. I am making plans and enjoying my time! There are baby showers and birthday parties to attend, classes to take, people to see and places to go! Starting TOMORROW! haha because today, I'm exhausted!
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