Gearing up for delivery was exciting. Except for the restless nights, it wasn't so bad. Once we were at the hospital getting ready for our little angel there was no possible way I could relax and sleep. I was to thrilled at the thought of FINALLY getting to see and hold Hudson! When Hudson made his grand entrance into the world, how could I possibly sleep! All I wanted to do was watch him sleep, hold him, and kiss all over him. Steve, on the other had no problem sleeping while I was in labor and at night once Hudson was born. It was all good while we were at the Hospital and had more than enough help and support. Once we got home, it was a different story.
Our first night at home was crazy! Hudson had been circumcised earlier that day and was in pain making him extra fussy. He cried and cried for hours. Steve had taken a week off from work so he could help take care of me and Hudson. However, it quickly became clear he was completely unprepared for the major life changes that were happening, and to be honest, so was I. To make a long story short, the stresses of becoming a new mommy, pain from delivery, and resentment toward my inexperienced husband made for some crazy mood swings, tears, and yes even slight depression. At night, when Hudson would finally sleep for an hour or so, if I was able to sleep, I would be plagued by nightmares of inadequacy. I had dreams that I lost Hudson, or that I fell asleep while feeding him causing him to roll off the bed and hit the floor.... ya know, things of that nature. I would wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing and cold sweats every night for weeks. That was if I could get to sleep at all. Who knew babies made so many noises at night?? Even when I was awake, I worried about everything! Was he getting enough to eat? Was he happy? Why was he making so many noises? What was causing him to cry? Why was he spitting up so much? How do you take care of an infant? Was he healing from his surgery? Was I meeting all of his needs?
I became almost bitter, because while my life had been completely turned upside down by this little miracle, Steve was able to go about his normal routine. He slept all night. He didn't have the responsibilities that I had taken on (or so I thought). I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and was angry that Steve still had time for himself to shower, exercise, play video games, sleep, and see friends. I was lucky to have time to eat something other than a granola bar... Not fair at all!
During the day, when it was just Hudson and I, there were good days and bad. Some days Hudson would be content, but for the most part, many of the days were filled with a tired screaming baby in pain from reflux and a mother who would try anything and everything to make him feel better. That would inevitably lead to both mom and baby crying hysterically by the time Steve got home from work. It hurt me physically when Hudson would cry. We were a mess!
As time went on, I realized I HAD TO HAVE HELP! It was no longer an option. In order for me to be a good mom, I had to start taking care of myself. I began delegating baby responsibility and eventually started feeling more comfortable about telling Steve what I needed him to do so that I could get some sleep. It was so scary at first leaving him to watch and care for our son, but over time Steve got more comfortable around Hudson and now he is a great care giver. At first I would literally cry myself to sleep while Steve tried to comfort our crying baby in the living room so I could take a nap. It got easier over time, and now we are at the point where Hudson sleeps at night and both Steve and I get to sleep as well, but I digress As a suggestion to all soon to be dads out there. READ THE BABY BOOKS! They will give you insight on what the mother of your child is going through, what to do and what not to do, along with how to take care of your new baby! I really feel that a lot of stress could have been avoided had Steve read them too. That alone would not have solved all of our problems, but it would have helped...I think. ALSO, READ or WATCH the happiest baby on the block. It was a total game changer! I only wish we would have done it sooner!
Here we are 6 weeks later! I think we are finally in the clear. There will still be challenges, but it seems like the hardest part is behind us (knock on wood). Hudson is sleeping for longer periods of time. Most nights he will sleep for 4-5 hours at a time (amazing), but every once in a while he will wake up more often. During the day, he is much happier too! If he isn't snoozing, he is for the most part awake looking around and happy. The biggest difference, I think, is that Steve and I are more confident in our parenting abilities. We have met and now understand Hudson's personality and needs. I think we make an excellent team...now. We know what to expect from each other and understand our roll as parents. I no longer miss or even remember my life before having a baby. My resentment toward Steve is gone (Thank God). Holding on to that helped no one! Looking back, I now realize how important it is to get sleep and take care of yourself after having a baby. Don't worry about being selfish for the first few weeks, your health (both mental and physical) is the most important thing, aside from your new bundle of joy. You just had a baby for goodness sake! It's ok to ask people to help you with EVERYTHING! It is true, you should always try to sleep when the baby sleeps. It is also important to remember that you and your husband are on the same team. In the end, you will come out on the other side stronger as a couple.
There is definitely a learning curve to raising children. Books and DVDs can help, but nothing will truly prepare you for parenthood. You must roll with the punches and adapt! Flexibility is key! Every baby is different and it will take time to adjust to your new roll. While it has been a roller coaster ride, I wouldn't change a thing! Being a mom is the most rewarding and hardest thing I have ever done, and I am loving every second.
I couldn't imagine my life with out this little man!
We tried out Hudson's BUMBO seat for the first time today. He is still way to little for it and needs more neck strength. 11-21-11
Just look at this face!!! I love this little guy so much!
This morning we got out his activity mat again. He did much better with it today! There is a music player that lights up and Hudson just loved that!
Last night while I was holding Hudson, our attention deprived cat Milo crawled on my lap and wanted to cuddle! haha He got right under Hudson's little bottom and wrapped his paw around Hudson's leg. ADORABLE
No comments:
Post a Comment