The hardest part...

Being a mommy to TWO beautiful children is amazing!  I absolutely love it!

I will say that everyone is adjusting really well to the new normal of our family, but I am probably having the hardest time.  It isn't because Alexis is a difficult baby, because she isn't.  She is actually a very easy baby andI couldn't be happier.  It is actually Hudson that is causing me "issues".   Ever sense we got ready to leave for the hospital, Hudson has been pushing me away.  Sometimes when I get close to him he holds his hand up to stop me and tells me to "go away" or "leave through the door".  It probably sounds stupid, but it breaks my heart!  Every time it happens (which isn't all the time, but enough) I end up having to leave the room because the tears just stat flowing.  What makes it even worse is that he wants my parents to be around and asks for them, but not me.   It makes me feel like I have done something wrong that my buddy, my baby doesn't want me around!

:(

Last night Hudson woke up crying and coughing and was pretty inconsolable (He has a nasty little cold).  After I gave hime some medicine I was just holding him in his bed and rocking him trying to help him calm down.  After a few minutes he told me he wanted Grandma and that was all he would say between sobs.  I of corse had tears in my eyes because my sweet baby boy, my first born didn't want me to comfort him like I usually do.   I swear, a part of me died inside.  So, I got my mom and she stayed with Hudson last night while I took Alexis.  It  actually worked out well, because I am the only one who can feed Alexis right now so this was the way it had to be.  But rationalizing it still didn't make it hurt any less.  I have been replaced!

I knew that things wold be different after we brought Alexis home.  I am/was so surprised at how well everyone has adjusted.  Hudson loves his baby sister and we are all getting plenty of rest.  Life is GREAT!  God is WONDERFUL.  I just wasn't expecting Hudson to grow up so much and start to push me away.

Did I mention that it seems like he went from a baby to a little kid over the two days we were at the hospital?  I left him as my baby, but came back to big kid.  That was hard to swallow too.  I'm not sure exactly what changed but it has.  Maybe its just my perception.  Either way it's weird.

I still have the most perfect children on earth and couldn't be more in love with both of them.  I was prepared for crying and sleepless nights, but instead I got an independent little boy.  And that, my friend, has been the hardest part.