FEAR

So, I know I've mentioned this before, but I am afraid to fly.

I usually try to laugh it off when I talk to friends about it, "haha, yea I just hate to fly" or " haha it just doesn't make sense to me how a big hunk of metal stays up in the air".

I can laugh and talk about it until I'm blue in the face.  I can rationalize my fear and understand the facts.

I know that statistically flying is safer than driving.  I know that God has a plan.  I know that He doesn't want me to be afraid, but guess what?!?!  I AM.

I am 100% totally and completely afraid to fly.

I have been flying sense I was a little girl, and never particularly cared for it.  I would never sleep well the night before, but would "get over it".  Most flights I have been on have gone smoothly.  There have been a few that didn't go so well and those are the ones that really stick with me.

I remember flying to Disney World with my family, sitting with my dad (jess was with my mom so just in case the plane went down there was a chance we didn't all die...) and out of nowhere we started dropping.  My stomach went clear up to my mouth and it felt like it lasted FOREVER.  I immediately started praying to God to save us.  My dad laughed and informed me later that I was just so adorable because apparently I was praying very loud.  From my understanding, we had hit an air pocket or turbulence.  Nothing out of the ordinary, but it scared the you know what out of me.

A few years later, we taxying out when all the sudden there was a horrible loud noise and all the passengers were jolted.  The pilot came over the speakers and informed everyone what when the were checking the plane over someone had left a wrench in the gears and it had gotten stuck.  Not a problem.  All would be well shortly and we would be on our way.... Fantastic.

Then there was 9/11 and the Hudson River Crash.

I remember being told as a little girl that the most stress on the plane is during takeoff and that if anything is going to go wrong it is during those first few moments...  awesome!  Now whenever I fly and practically hyperventilate until the plane is no longer climbing.

The last time I few was on my honeymoon.  It was a horribly experience.  Not because anything traumatic happened on the actual plane ride, but I was emotionally a disaster.  I was a mess the week before we left and then was a mess trying to go through security, checking in, waiting, getting on the plane, taking off....  After that I'm usually ok.  Usually.

I hate that stupid tunnel you have to walk down to get to the plane.  I feel like I'm in the cattle shoot getting herded to my demise.  I hate seeing the outside of the plane and the thick door.  The door that is going to keep me locked in that tiny metal tube.  All I want to do is turn around and run.   I hate the way the inside of a plane looks.  It is old and used, and the air is stale.  I hate all the sounds.  The loud buzzing of mechanical systems and revving engine is enough to put me over the edge.  I hate that I always, with out fail, get stuck sitting next to a sweaty man in a tank top that has some serious BO (not even kidding).  I hate that they don't give you a parachute...I mean give me a fighting chance people!  COME ON!  I hate that all through the flight I find myself eyeing the other passengers...  People are crazy and you never know what they are going to do.  Every time someone stands up to go to the bathroom I have a mini heart attack....   Hummm after re-reading this, maybe I'm the crazy one?

So here I am.  They BIG flight day, known to others as the first day of vacation, is quickly approaching.  I find myself thinking about flying all the time.  For the past month or so flying has completely dominated my thoughts and dreams.  Sometimes I feel brave.  I feel at peace with the situation.  I am accept that I have no control over anything.  Unfortunately, more often than not, I  am crying or freaking out about it.  :(

Vacations are supposed to be fun.  You are supposed to be excited about it and anticipate the trip.  All I can think about is the flight.  It is like having weeds in your yard, it infiltrates and spreads until all you can see are pretty little yellow dandelions....  I don't want to feel this way.  I don't want to be so afraid.

After Steve booked the flight (against my wishes I might add) I went to the doctor and she gave me a Rx for some meds that she claims will help.  I am skeptical of this because I have tried taking meds to fly before and my mind is just much stronger.  It didn't work.  Also, I hate taking medicine.  I hate putting chemicals into my body.  At this point I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up.

I wish flying wasn't so hard for me.  I wish this was easier and I wasn't so crazy about this.   I have/had dreams about traveling the world and really going places...  How on earth am I supposed to visit Switzerland or Australia if I can't bring myself to get in a plane?

Any suggestions on how to get through or over the flying thing would be greatly appreciated.

Don't judge