It's so weird to think that at my next appointment I will be farther along with Alexis than I ever was with Hudson (he came right at 38 weeks). Part of me is sooooo ready to meet my little girl and for the next chapter of our lives to begin. The other part of me wants time to slow down so I can enjoy every single moment being a mommy to the most precious boy on earth.
Today, has been a roller coaster of emotion. I was anxious before my doctor appointment and very curious to see if we were any closer to meeting our baby girl. Then after getting the news that not much had changed other than she had dropped down quite a bit, I was honestly a little disappointed. REALLY!?!?! That's it?!?! I'm 37 weeks pregnant. She's considered full term. Lets get this party started! I started researching anything and everything I could do to get things moving along (pineapple, walking, squats....) within reason. This afternoon I was looking at videos on labor inducing accupressure points!
Then this evening as Steve, Hud & I were eating dinner I started to freak out a little. Do I want to rush this time? I so love my family of three (and know Ill love my family of four just as much if not more) but why am I in such a hurry for such a drastic change to our lives? It also started to hit me that this is more than likely the last time I will ever be pregnant. Steve and I have had casual conversations about how many kids we would like to have...but I think we both agree that we would be so happy as a family of four. If more children were in the plans we would need a clear sign from God. Anyway, the point is it brings tears to my eyes thinking about how I might never again feel a little baby kick in my stomach. I might never again get to see my babies heartbeat for the first time during an ultrasound. I might never have to pack a hospital bag with newborn clothes and blankets that had just been washed with Dreft, or sterilize bottles.... The part that gets me the most is that I might never again have the privilege of growing and loving and nurturing another human being again. The excitement and anticipation, the mystery, and the secret of knowing your baby well before anyone else is almost over for me....
While I'm ready to have some form of MY LIFE back and not have to wear maternity clothes EVER AGAIN... I am also going to miss pregnancy. Weird right? I guess it really is bittersweet.
To be completely honest, the actual delivery is starting to make me nervous. Up until now I hadn't thought much about delivery this time around. It was just an obstacle to get throughout so I could get to the other side and see my baby. NOW, I am starting to really think about all the details and discomfort and possibilities of what COULD happen. I'm not going to lie, it has me a little scared.
I know that God has a plan for everything and Alexis will come in HIS perfect timing (not mine). I also know that delivery is just a few hours and He is in completely control. I'm going to give it up to God and just let things happen as He sees fit.
THAT IS ALL.
I AM SO THANKFUL FOR MY LOVING HUSBAND, PRECIOUS SON, HEALTHY DAUGHTER, AND SUPPORTIVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS. LIFE IS GOOD.
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O and PS. Hudson can finally hug! He doesn't just cuddle up next to you and let you hug him. He wraps his little arms around you and squeezes! It is the most amazing feeling on earth!
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